22 Aug “I Am No Jedi.” Seven Things Ahsoka Tano Taught Me About Walking Away
Back in March 2023, Ashley Eckstein, the first Ahsoka Tano and one of my favorite people in the world, posted something on her Instagram account that gave me all the feels (https://www.instagram.com/p/CpTtxK3P_B3/).
Ten years ago (March 2013), The Clone Wars season 5, episode 20, titled “The Wrong Jedi” premiered and since seeing it for the first time I have realized that it both breaks my heart and gives me so much inspiration.
(If you’re watching Ahsoka via streaming, I wrote a post sharing what you can watch to get caught up for the new Ahsoka series with the amazing Rosario Dawson! I will post this guide after the SAG-AFTRA Strike has come to a amicable resolution…)
I’d like to say I watch Star Wars and other shows strictly for the entertainment factor, but I end up learning something every time. And seeing amazing patterns that I can turn into fabric, but that’s a whole other website. This episode was no different…
Quitting is Hard. Walking away is even harder.
A bit of background into my 2023, so far: I submitted my resignation on my birthday. To everyone on the outside, it was the perfect job – perfect for me in every way. I thought the same thing when I was offered the position, but it did not take me long to realize that it was smoke and mirrors covering a fun house that turned into an Elm Street nightmare pretty quickly. Dramatic? Maybe. But it was a perfectly toxic environment that I was not mentally prepared for. I trudged through for a year and during that time hubs watched my mental walls start to crumble. I have a pretty Hulkish mind that’s hard to break, but even I grew weary of the constant End Game scenario that was supposed to be a typical office job.
All descriptive poetry aside – it was not a good place to spend most of my day.
But I am no quitter. So I stuck it out until hubs strongly encouraged me to GTFO. So I did. And if I’m still being honest, aside from the terrible management, I left behind some coworkers that I am really fond of and enjoyed seeing every day. The decision was not an easy one, but six months later I feel as free as Aloy wandering the Forbidden West and have no regrets.
This is going to totally surprise you, but that’s the intro. So let’s get right into the post, shall we?
Five things Ahsoka Tano taught me about walking away
Watching Ahsoka walk away from Anakin in Clone Wars was painful to watch, but it taught me five valuable lessons about life:
- Never give up hope, no matter how dark things seem.
- Loyalty is everything, even when others doubt.
- Everything is not black white, dark or light. Sometimes it’s just gray.
- “I thought I was part of that order, but everyone, except Anakin has abandoned me.”
- “This isn’t about you.”
- Sometimes you just have to walk away.
- All who wander are not lost.
Never give up hope, no matter how dark things seem.
And that is really the foundation of Star Wars, isn’t it? Holding on to hope, holding out for it. I realize that being able to just walk away from my job without worrying about my rent comes from a place of privilege. This is the first time in my life (and I’ve been working since I was in high school) that I have been able to even think about leaving a job and exploring what I want to do next. I am grateful. It wasn’t always like this, and I know how it feels to wake up every day to go to a crappy job because you have to. And I know how it feels to hope, every day, for something better. To hope for it and work for it.
I bet that to walk away from a place she’d known all her life scared Ahsoka. I bet it was terrifying. But she did it, anyway.
Loyalty is everything, even when others doubt.
I am not ashamed to admit that I am no fan of the Jedi Order. In fact, I think they failed an entire galaxy in their hesitation and neglect of what was right and fair over what tradition said they must do. Cowards hide behind tradition, refusing to think for themselves and think of others as individuals.
But I have never been as angry with them as I was when they stood against Ahsoka. Ahsoka Tano. Ahsoka freaking Tano – the Jedi among them who would never turn her back on any one of them. She risked her life several times for some, even when others advised her not to. How very dare they treat her as if she was guilty before being proven otherwise.
They weren’t loyal to her and it was evident to her, in the end, that she could never forgive them for it. How could she rejoin them after they failed to protect her?
Know who your allies are and be a loyal friend. That trumps tradition every time.
Everything is not black white, dark or light. Sometimes it’s just gray.
Why does everything have to always be the light side or the dark side? I can’t tell you how tired I was of hearing Yoda accuse everyone around him of being clouded by the dark side. To me, he was so blinded by the light that he couldn’t see his own shadow creeping up to choke out everyone else. Whose dark side clouded the people around Yoda – theirs or his?
Certainly not the Ahsoka Tano he was so ready to condemn. I’ve hated Yoda ever since that episode. And I know – anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering. And then the dark side. So be it – just call me a sith. #sorrynotsorry
When you can only see one side of the story, you miss half the plot. You fail to get to know the characters. You act in bias and misjudgment, and often off the judgment of others rather than yourself. The Jedi, the Sith – they do so much harm by only seeing things as either light or dark. Both light and dark blind the one wielding it, keeping both from seeing what’s right in front of them. You need a little darkness to balance out the light, and you need some light to expel the darkness. And anyway, if you stare at blinding light too long, all becomes darkness, anyway.
Poor Ahsoka. Poor Anakin. They got caught in the grey area between the self-righteousness of both sides. And it seems that they both lost in the end.
Or did they?
“I thought I was part of that order, but everyone, except Anakin has abandoned me.”
When Ahsoka said this to Padme, it broke my heart. But I understand how she feels. I thought I was part of a team at my last job – I hoped I was. But it turned out that I was only seen as the help. If I had an opinion, I was told to “stay in my lane”, and if I voiced anything other than agreement with my supervisor, she would yell at me to “watch my tone and don’t get snarky with her”, as if I was a child. It was demoralizing and it was belittling.
So, probably, was the realization that you can stand with a group of people and fight beside them, working towards the same ideals and the same goals. But in the end, they can just as easily turn their backs on you. How do you hold on to hope when the people you hoped with suddenly rip it away from you? And how do you stay with people who are okay with treating a team member like that?
“This isn’t about you.”
No truer words have been spoken, as much as they hurt Ahsoka to say. We, especially as women, are raised to think of and put others before ourselves. We are taught that our character, our existence, relies on the approval of others. Once they stop approving, we lose our relevancy. This causes many of us to lose trust in ourselves, to doubt ourselves. After all, we’re only as good, as successful, and as beautiful as others say we are, right?
Ahsoka had to make Anakin understand that her decision wasn’t about him and that she didn’t need his approval in order to do the thing she felt in her heart was the right thing to do. For herself. Remember that clouded judgment that Yoda is always prattling on about? Well, Ahsoka realized that her judgment was crowded as long as she was around the Council. As long as she was around ::sniffs:: Anakin. She needed time and space to figure it all out.
She had to walk away from the person she probably loved most in the world so she could learn to be okay with herself. By herself. For herself. Ahsoka Tano had to do what was right for Ahsoka Tano. No one else.
That was so hard to watch again. I did it for you all.
Also, did anyone else think of Leia and Han when Ahsoka said “I know” to Anakin before walking off into the sunset? It was like an unspoken show of attachment that we all knew was there.
Sometimes you just have to walk away.
You just do. It isn’t always easy to leave, to turn your back on the familiar, and walk into the unknown. But at the risk of sounding like a cliched proverb – nothing worth the risk is ever easy. I have no idea who made life this way, but it is just that – hard. And there is nothing braver than sometimes just walking away. Leaving what you’ve always known takes a kind of courage that often comes with (bad) past experiences.
How will you know whether the grass actually is greener, or if you prefer a paved highway if you don’t actually go to find out for your own?
And now ten years later we have had the privilege of watching Ahsoka make her appearances in her novel, Rebels, Mandalorian, Boba Fett, and now her very own series. I wonder if that would have happened if she had chosen to stay.
What amazing things can you do if you leave the not-so-great situation that you’re in and walk a new path?
Whew! There was a lot of grown in this geeky post. But sometimes a Star Wars just makes you get all in your feels.
All who wander are not lost.
Ahsoka wandered for a bit. E. K. Johnston takes us on Ahsoka’s sad and amazing journey after she left in her book, also titled “Ahsoka”.
(If you click on the image below, it is an affiliate link that will take you to the Books-A-Million website to purchase the book. This book is one of my favorite Star Wars books – and I’ve read way too many to get into in this post! I think that if you want a better understanding of the time between Clone Wars and Rebels and the new television series, you should read this book. It’s such an amazing read, I’ve read it twice and then listened to the audiobook.)
Ahsoka wandered, and sometimes we have to allow life to take us on a journey. This makes the destination so much sweeter and more meaningful. For me to say this is growth. Seriously. I am someone who lives by a clock in much the same way that the rabbit from Alice in Wonderland does. I’m always late. I always feel behind. Leaving a job wreaks havoc on your mental health and your self esteem. You feel like a failure. You wonder if you’re the reason, if you’re the asshole.
I bet Ahsoka Tano had a lot of these feelings. She grieved her losses, she felt as if she failed herself and others. But she never faltered on her decision to walk away. She followed her heart and it led her to even more amazing things. We should be like that – listen to our hearts, and then let life lead. Make good decisions and you’ll probably end up in an even better place than you left.
Apply this to your own life.
What amazing things can you do if you leave the not-so-great situation that you’re in and walk a new path?
Whew! There was a lot to think about in this post. But sometimes a Star Wars just makes you get all in your feels.
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