21 Oct Five Things Carrie Fisher Taught Me About Life

Carrie Fisher was one of a kind and her life reflected one of unapologetic authenticity. She did what she wanted and lived how she wanted; and she dared anyone to even think about telling her otherwise. I envy that about her and strive to be more like that. Today is her birthday, so I only thought it appropriate to celebrate with some reflections on five things Carrie Fisher taught me about life.

As a Star Wars fan, my introduction to Carrie Fisher was as her iconic Princess Leia portrayal in the movies. I geeked out about the galaxy far, far away late in life, so I watched her character as an adult. I think this helped me to appreciate her even more. Then as I learned more about Ms. Fisher the person, I learned about her many other talents, including author and stage actor. I also learned about her struggle with mental illness and this made me respect her even more. 

Carrie Fisher was a force. I wish I’d learned about her earlier in life, but I may not have appreciated the person she was as much as I do now. The things I’ve learned from her as I am now are far more valuable to me in this stage of my life.

Five things Carrie Fisher taught me about life.

She stood up to her bullies

Carrie Fisher stood up to her bullies. I can’t imagine she had many of them, but one particular instance stands out in my mind. I had just gotten to know her as Princess Leia, and we were getting ready to see her come back to Star Wars as General Leia Organa in The Force Awakens. Most of us were just excited to be able to see our Heroine once again, but others were apparently just there to criticize and add toxicity to the world.

Much like many Star Wars “fans” do to the fandom. 

I said what I said.

As the online bullies expressed disgust at how Carrie’s body had changed over the years

– imagine that! Bodies that don’t remain in perfect mint condition like collectibles? –

she didn’t even allow that to phase her as she kept her body moving towards more important things. In fact, she slowed only enough to address the bullies like the inconvenient speed bumps they were: “Please stop debating about whetherOR not I aged well.unfortunately it hurts all3 of my feelings.My BODY hasnt aged as well as I have. Blow us.” And with that, she kept moving that same body that had taken her everywhere she went – through all her accomplishments and lessons learned. She acknowledged its strength and reminded us that youth and beauty are not accomplishments. 

So many times we are told to ignore bullies. But that has never made the bullies stop. I know this all too well. I lived it. While you don’t want to waste precious time on assholes, there are times when standing up to them is necessary. And she did. In real life and in the movies. Carrie acknowledged the ridiculousness of what they were saying and in so many words told them to shut up and f*** off. Then she zinged back by pointing out that while both men and women age, people gave permission for men to age although no one aged better than the other. With those words, and a reminder that age is coming for all of us, she shut down the bullies and put the critics back under the bridge where they belong. Then she kept it moving, ignoring anything else they might have to say.

She gave herself permission to live. And to be scared.

Carrie Fisher was an advocate for mental illness. But she was an even bigger advocate for living. Instead of hiding away because of her illness, she chose to live life on her own terms. She always seemed unafraid of everything. And she walked with determination and confidence. But she admitted that was not always the case.

The Herald Tribune interviewed her in 2013, and asked her about pursuing her dreams with mental illness and if it scared her. Carrie Fisher responded with advice for anyone else who might be living with a mental illness: “Stay afraid, but do it anyway. What’s important is the action. You don’t have to wait to be confident. Just do it and eventually the confidence will follow.” (thefader.com)

Bravery isn’t never being afraid. I believe that true bravery is being scared to death, and still moving forward. Action is what may defeat your demons, but it takes bravery to engage in the battle to begin with.

Carrie Fisher was transparent about her struggles and gave herself grace.

I had no idea that Carrie struggled with bipolar disorder until the last movie in the final Star Wars trilogy. I’m not sure how I missed that, but it never changed my adoration of her. In fact, she was so open about her struggle with it, that it didn’t even seem like a big deal. 

What I mean, is that only seeing someone for their physical traits, mental health, family connections – all things we cannot control – is failing to see someone for who they really are. I saw Carrie as an advocate for others who had the same struggle she did. I thought she was brave, like so many of us who wake up everyday and live despite the things we can’t always control. Instead of letting her mental illness define her, she accepted it and embraced it. And she fought like hell to live.

And then she encouraged us all to do the same. In her book Wishful Drinking, she wrote, “Living with manic depression takes a tremendous amount of balls…it’s something to be proud of, not ashamed of.”

But she also found humor in her life. And her faults.

One of my favorite things about Carrie Fisher was her sense of humor and ability to laugh at herself. I think her personality leaked into her work, which made much of what Princess Leia Organa said both hilarious and true. Some people like to say that sarcasm and humor are often used as a defense mechanism; but I believe Carrie used those as embellishments.

My mom, sister, and I often laugh at the often not-funny things that happen in our lives and tell each other, “well, you have to laugh.” Because honestly, the alternative just makes my head hurt. This is very similar to one of my favorite statements made by Carrie Fisher about her own life. In fact, she tweeted it on my birthday, which makes it even more memorable:

“If my life wasn’t funny it would just be true and that is unacceptable.” Twitter, Feb 17 2011, 10:34 AM (hellogiggles.com)

She told her own story without judgment or shame.

Never allow anyone else to write your narrative. People think they know us. They will always have opinions about how we live, and many will never understand our choices and decisions. That’s okay, they don’t have to. The important people in your life will accept you for who you are. Period. And even more, you will never have to explain yourself to them.

“”And once it was proposed to me that it was all right to be like I am, I finally quit apologizing for it. For being something different. For being strong. Strength is a style.”

I haven’t yet read all of her books, but I have always thought it was awesome that she wrote her own stories. Before anyone else could do it. She even wrote and starred in her one-woman act telling the honest story of her life. There was no shame in how her life shaped her to be the person she was, even through her struggles.

“If those issues are going to be public, I would rather them to be public the way I’ve experienced them rather than someone else assuming things about me. It’s freeing to do it. Shame is not something I aspire to.”

As a bonus, I couldn’t close this post without one mention of Carrie Fisher as Princess Leia. Of course, Leia was a role Carrie played, but it was the role many of us will always remember her by. I think we do her a disservice when we don’t talk about that as part of her amazing life.

Carrie Fisher as Leia Skywalker Organa Solo was a princess, sure. But she never needed a prince to save her.

She was her own savior. Carrie Fisher was brave. She saved an entire galaxy, and in turn, she saved many of us. I won’t even get into how her role in a male-dominated franchise was exactly what little girls needed to feel seen and to be warrior-princesses. That is a given. But Leia never waited to be saved. She wasn’t scared of the Vaders or Tarkins and she stood up to them, even at the cost of her home. 

Leia was is in the movies what Carrie was in life: a force. And I celebrate her on her birthday and hope you take some time to do the same!

What are some things you learned from Carrie Fisher? Name one thing below that you love about her.