Geeked Out Over Self-Care | This Geeked Out Life Blog

Stress, anxiety, and overwhelm are things that everyone struggles with from time to time. These feelings are not exclusive to us geeks. There are various ways to deal with stress and many techniques to quell the anxious feelings that often send us into a downward spiral of decreased self-worth, imposter feelings, and sometimes even depression. Self-care includes ways of taking care of our mental and emotional health as part of a normal routine. The methods you find online are generally one-size-fits-all. But not all self-care is equal, and what works for most does not always work for most geeks. So if you’re here, I think you could benefit from a more geeky self care routine.

a disclaimer: I am not a medical professional. Please don’t take this definition as an official medical or mental health diagnosis or treatment plan. I encourage you to talk to a specialist – therapist or medical professional – if you need help creating a health plan for yourself. This blog is meant to give you ideas that you can take to a professional if you wish. It is really just a jumping off point and not intended as any form of medical treatment.

Geeky Self-Care Guide

Self Care as a New Concept

Okay, maybe this is just me, but prioritizing self was not always thought of as the norm. I think ‘self-care’ has now become very much like a buzzword. It’s definitely more mainstream, although it’s still not as common as it should be. Even I feel like a bit of a hypocrite for talking about it here. I have only just recently learned the value of taking care of myself. And I have only just short of recently started to actually take steps to putting my needs first.

It often feels selfish of me.

And that’s a misconception. There are a lot of beliefs and perceptions around self-care that are often rooted in miseducation. Or old-school ways of thinking about our purpose. In that vein, why don’t we start with what self-care isn’t so that we can fling the misconceptions out of our minds. Let’s make way for new geeky self-care conceptions, shall we?

What Self-Care is not.

Self-care is not self-ish.

(see what I did, there?)

Hopping right off the tail-end of the Boomer generation, most of the people in my generation were taught that hard work and a self-made attitude would get you far in life. And approval from others. This is especially true for women who were now in the working world and needed to work harder, faster, and smarter to prove themselves as worthy as their male counterparts.

I’m going to kick that feminism soapbox across the room before I step onto it.

My point is that we became more and more task-oriented and less self-aware. And by less self aware, I mean we became less aware of the importance of checking in with ourselves to make sure we were okay. Why? Because focusing too much on ourselves is a sure indication that we were thinking only of ourselves and not focusing on how we could be of use to those around us.

To this day I feel a surge of guilt when I can’t be useful to someone. The pressure that others put on us to produce and be of use is immense. But the pressure that we often put on ourselves is stifling.

Queue Encanto’s Surface Pressure – my favorite, but also #triggered.

All our lives, we’re told that we should put others first. And this seemingly noble self-abandonment for the wellbeing of everyone else around us becomes like a badge of honor. And don’t get me wrong – being selfless is commendable – more people should be aware of the feelings of those around them. But how can you continue to take care of everyone else while neglecting yourself? Sure, in the moment when you could be doing anything else, it seems like a waste of time to stop and take care of yourself. But in the end, doesn’t it benefit everyone around you if your needs are met and you feel good?

The sick can’t help the sick.

Self-care is not an Indulgence

Just to be clear, an indulgence is doing something you enjoy, even if it has negative consequences.

A TMI (too much information) moment, if you’ll allow: My ‘indulgence’ is ‘treating myself’ to a milkshake even though I’m lactose intolerant. Why? I have no idea, but the glutton-for-punishment mentality is a real thing lol. I always, always pay for it later – sometimes in many large deposits (if you catch my inappropriate drift). But for some reason, I insist on enjoying that smooth creamy cookies-and-cream milkshake when I could just open my freezer and grab the Lactaid cookies-and-cream ice-cream that I keep for just such emergencies.

Why am I like this?! Please tell me I’m not the only one…

This is not self-care. This behavior is toxic (in more ways than one) and I wish I could say with all honesty here in front of all my fellow geeks that I will stop. But alas, the best thing I can do for myself is make sure I’m home when I indulge in my next lactose-filled creamy cookie milk treat.

Home is where the bathrooms are, after all.

Proper self-care can’t be an indulgence because there are no negative consequences for taking the time to care for oneself. So let’s get that idea out of our heads. If you’re not running up to the restroom with bubbling tremors in your abdomen after taking part in your self-care ritual then you are absolutely doing it right.

You knew what this was when you came here. I’m here all week!

Self-Care is not a Waste of Time

I will stick by this statement. There is no time wasted when you are caring for yourself. Take it from me – I have been dedicated to making up for lost time in my self-care by putting as much time as possible into my routine. For me, I started with a small video game session here, and another one on the weekends before diving back into work mode. Now I’ve gotten completely comfortable with sitting on the couch for a few hours while redecorating my biomes in Dreamlight Valley.

I knew this game would be trouble. But I am loving every minute of it.

Creating your geeky self-care routine takes time, but is not time wasted.

Self-Care is Not One-Size-Fits-All

When I got the idea to write a geek-centric self-care post, I did some research on self care and how it is typically defined. As with anything on the internet, there are numerous places that give definitions, methods, and routines for self-care. This is a great thing – normalize it and make it accessible. But it can also be a bad thing because after a while, all the articles and ideas on self care seemed like copies of one another.

There is no cookie-cutter method for self-care. Your self-care routine will be unique to you, and you should be the one to create it for yourself.

What Self Care Is.

Now that we’re clear on self-care is not, we can have a more open-minded approach to what self-care actually is:

Self Care is Important.

Way to state the obvious, Fern.

But let’s just start with the obvious, shall we? Self care is vital to our mental, emotional, and, yes, even physical well-being. Constantly being there for everyone else can be – no, it IS – draining. Even if you’re just the sounding board for someone else’s emotions, if you’re not a trained therapist, that constant emotional dumping can affect you emotionally as well. And then you can’t be there for you, or anyone else.

The problem – and I’m speaking for myself here but you’re welcome to jump on this train with me if you agree – is that more often than not, we don’t put enough value on ourselves.

Let me say it again for the geeks in the back: We don’t value ourselves enough because we often feel like we are not of value when we aren’t useful to others. Value assigns importance in our society. We are deserving when we are useful or beneficial to the people around us. Being those things makes us important in the eyes of those who need us. As a result, if we are not engaging in activities that are beneficial to others, then we are not important.

Wrong. I’m here to tell you that there is nothing more important than valuing yourself. No one else is going to do it, so you have to. And when you start caring for yourself, then others will see how important you are outside of what you can do for them.

If they don’t then you don’t need them in your life.

Self-Care is Self Love

How many times have you heard someone say ‘I just love this person’ when talking about someone they don’t have a personal relationship with? I mean, I do it all the time when I’m talking about Loki or Ahsoka. I just love Loki.

But you aren’t truly in love with that person, are you?

Hmmm… Okay, let’s think about this. I’m a geek. So I’m pretty sure I’m in love with almost every anime and fictional characters I watch. I’m looking at you, Sebastian the perfect Butler. And Loki. And Alucard… I could do this all day.

Sorry, sorry! Let’s focus on real life for just a second and not all of our anime, manga, comic book crushes… I’m actually talking about true love. For example – when I met my now-husband, I liked his personality, his smile, his intelligence, and his nerdy-geeky side. He did not care what anyone thought of him. But it wasn’t until we spent quite a bit of time with each other that I started to love him. And it’s the act of discovering each other and how well we now know each other that keeps us in a happy marriage. Maybe I’m simplifying it, but we have a ton in common and we like being around each other.

The more we find out about each other, the more we love being around each other. That’s such a special thing.

In the same way, how can we love ourselves if we don’t really know ourselves? The act of self-discovery is the biggest form of love – it is how we show ourselves that we care enough about our own well being to become acquainted with who we are. It’s hard to love someone else if you don’t first love yourself. And how do you know whether you’re compatible with someone if you don’t even know yourself? You can’t know exactly how to care for yourself – what you need – if you don’t, first know thyself.

Self-Care is Unique to Your-Self

This goes along with cookie-cutter methods and right along with getting to know yourself. You can’t just take what you read on everyone’s blog, even this one, and apply it to your life without first knowing whether the routines described fit in with your lifestyle and preferences. Or whether you even like doing some of the things mentioned.

See, a lot of self-care starts out with good intentions, but when we take someone else’s idea of self care and apply it directly to our routines without first thinking about how it fits in with our lives, then more often than not the routine is not something we can maintain. This is because it’s not custom-made for us.

We have to be intentional with our self-care because it doesn’t come naturally to stop what we’re doing to check in with ourselves. The ultimate form of self-care is taking the time to figure out how to best care for yourself. What relaxes and invigorates you? Also, what stresses you out or causes anxiety? It won’t be the same for all of us.

Self care for me can never be sorting out my finances. I would end up in a rocking chair on the back porch mumbling to myself for days. But I have a friend who finds crunching numbers relaxing.

Bless her.

Your Geeky Self-Care Guide

I’ve gone on long enough! Let’s get you started with the guide so you can plan your new (or improved) self-care routine.

Included is a list for you in the Geeky Self-Care Guide. As part of the free guide, I have also arranged the steps outlined in this post in a self-care tracker template that you can use in your geeky bullet journal or planner. Track your progress for a month or two to see how you feel.

Don’t forget to be patient with yourself as you figure it all out. Self-care is a journey that should be intentional and you should enjoy it.